Balance starts when you get out of bed

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I fell today

Walking out of the TGIF's in Bensalem PA, I was checking emails on my cell phone. Next thing I knew I was sprawled across the parking lot of the restaurant- Cell phone skidding across the lot, knees and hands skinned and a big hole in my new trousers.
A couple of people helped me up, straightened me out and set me on my way- I didn't see the step down into the parking area. Served me right. "Washing dishes when washing dishes" also means "Watch where you put your feet" and "put the fricking phone away when you are walking into a parking lot".
The universe is always teaching us-

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Night driving in the 4th dimension


Driving through the middle of nowhere at night- Seems like I am always going somewhere and nowhere at the same time.
I realized I have been driving on the same piece of asphalt between Columbus and Cleveland since 1983- My very first trip on business was between these two cities. Scary thought to be trapped on the same piece of road for 24 years. Of course, there have been other roads inbetween- too many roads.
It helps to look at these trips as circles- loops- entering and exiting the same space just in a different time- I think when you go through these circles, these loops, you get finally get a sense of that dimension (besides looking in the mirror or seeing old photographs).
We are all going in circles- just some bigger than others.
Then again, sometimes it just feels insane.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Jam Fingers




The bread is from an Amish restaurant in Wooster OH. Half the jam is from France (Mango) and the other half (Blueberry) is from Canada.



The plate is from China-



So good you don't care if it is dripping from your fingers-


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Monsters and Angels



Monsters lie between the blades of grass-
Hidden in the darkness- waiting and watching.

This week there has been nothing but bad news- I have had too much time on my hands- and I have paid too much attention to it.

The angels live in my house- they see me every day when the yellow school bus drops them off. I am normally on the phone, or the computer-working I pay them too little attention, but their presence is felt and their love received.

They know I love them too.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Psapp

Just bought two of their albums- Quirky, cat obessed and squeaky toy music- really no other way to describe them. Here is a video of Kittens vs Robots fighting over the fate of the world. Enjoy.



Meow!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Communication


"I understand. Do you understand?" I ran across the graphic today looking for Kanji characters- I have always loved the indecipherable shape of the symbols.

Maybe it should read, "I understand what I mean. Do you understand what I mean?"

If you don't understand, or if I didn't explain it well enough- that can be used as an excuse to insult, sue, fight beat, or even kill another person. Doesnt seem fair does it?

The cause of the world's problems in a single exchange. Wars are fought because we don't try hard enough to understand the other person.
"I understand. Do you understand?"

PS- I am reading James Thurber to my 10 year old. I am not sure he gets it- but it's fun trying.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Home again

Threading the needle
through the icy winds
No delays, everything is on time
Hotels range from good to
Junkie status-
Bottomless cups of coffee
and late night dinners-too much white flour and sandwiches
Too many gas stations- and other peoples cars
Riding trains and buses
Taxi's and credit cards-
ID's and E-tickets
Endless phone calls- and little
sleep

Home.
Hugs from children as I walk through the door-
getting the news from the home front while laying on the couch from the Mrs.
Treats; like hummus and triscuts for dinner
and little chocolate easter eggs-

Home again

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

So it goes

Kurt Vonnegut died today. He wrote one of the most important books in American Literature called Slaughterhouse Five, which was a semi-autobiographical novel about his experiences as a prisoner of war and his subsequent survival of the bombing of Dresden.

Over the evenings of Febuary 13th through the 15th 1945 it is estimated that between 25,000 to 100, 000 people died from several thousands of tons of bombs being dropped on them.

A little later that same month, on the other side of the world, the United States firebombed Tokyo and killed at least 70,000 people.

So it goes.

The book is also about time travel, alien abduction and sex with B-movie starlettes (so it has a little something for everyone). It is at once a elegant and horrifying book. He used a device, that I will always remember. When someone died in the novel, or when one of the aliens said something, they said-So it goes.


I have read the book about five times since I was 14 years old. What I found humorous when I was 14 I found terribly sad when I was 35. The book seemed to change as I got older. It taught me a lot about perception.

I will read it again this month in honor of Mr. Vonnegut.

He was a hero of mine. I am at once sad at his passing and at once happy that he lived during my lifetime. I hope his passing was peaceful, but I am afraid that is wasn't. He died from complications from a fall.

He was on the Daily Show a couple of months ago. He was still as sharp as a tack


So it goes, Kurt. So it goes.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Hell in a Handbasket

I am wondering how my weeks go from simple to complicated in such an amazingly short time.

This morning was simple, two nights then home-

By 4pm, I am leaving tonight and I will get home on Friday night with Minneapolis, Columbus, Detroit and Madison WI in between.

$1600 buys you a lot of airport time.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Saturday


Saturday-

This morning, built shelves in basement for books that are taking over our house.

Made "E" clean his toys out of the living room-

On the way to Costco to buy massive quantities of food to feed the masses (mainly my family). On the way I am stopping at St. Vincents Du Paul to drop off crap from basement that we need tax write offs for.

Nothing heavy to note- Read POH's adventures with Republican offsprings- Commented on dead iguana's. Miserable animals.

Friday, April 6, 2007

How does love change?

Maybe it's yesterday's post about True Love Waiting.

Maybe it's Springtime.

Thinking about love and lovelorn today. Read a few blogs that made me yearn for people as they yearn.

How does love change? What are the different types of love?

I know about infatuation- fleeting, sticky and sweet.
I know the love of friendship- Warm with discovery.
I know the love of a brother- the support and good words.
I know the feeling of love of a parent to child- Unconditional (at least it is supposed to be).
I know the love of a child to a parent- difficult, sometimes judgemental, yet where our childhood rests, therefore the core of who we are.
I know the love of acceptance- taking that person for everything they are, but most importantly what they aren't.
I know the love of a long time partner- like an well worn peice of clothing- comfortable and always there- yet ragged and torn from the miles traveled.
I know the love of the dead- lost in the background, aching and always there.
I know the love of strangers- Never expected, but always welcome.
I know my attempts to give love outward, through actions and thought- Sometimes it's enough, sometimes it's not.

Still searching I guess...

Thursday, April 5, 2007

True Love Waits

Google has this thing that alerts you to blogs and websites with keywords that you are interested in- It's kind of cool and kind of annoying at the same time.

Every day I get about ten emails from Google on Radiohead subjects- Most are garbage, sites for freedown loads that are niether free or easily downloadable, and a lot of blogs- One blog caught my eye because it mentioned lyrics from one of the truly saddest songs that the "R" band ever produced. Its from a post grad called Wind-Up-Bird in NY. I guess she has been offically "tagged" by me:


It's a song called True Love Waits- and unlike a lot of Radiohead songs, with the exception of "Spinning Plates" (the Rwandan Genocide)- the lyrics are from a news story that Thom Yorke read in the paper. Woody Guthrie, Bob Dylan, The Clash (Charlie Don't Surf), Pearl Jam (Jeremy), just to name a few examples have all made songs from news stories (or movies), but Radiohead has always been more internal than external in their observations. They look at how they feel about something and then make the observation through that filter.

Not to say that True Love Waits doesn't share that same obscure point of view- The beginning of the song mentions "dressing like your niece" and "washing swollen feet" which make little or no sense to anyone but Thom Yorke, the singer and songwriter.

But like most "R" songs it circles the campfire like a wolf, then goes in for the kill towards the end.

It starts out with a common turn or phrase, turned on it's end: I'm not living, I'm just killing time. Which is how we all feel some days. We are slogging from one place to the next- not really living our lives- and with a unspoken hopelessness that all we are doing is killing time, waiting for it all to end.

Then a refrain of the chorus, Just don't leave, Don't leave which isn't really a chorus- in Thom Yorkes voice, it's a wail of longing and desperation. Then the kicker-

And true love waits,
In haunted attics,
And true love lives,
On lollipops and crisps,

Which at first glimpse you read as, big deal? Haunted attic's- what is he on about? Lollipops and Crisps? Is this a snack food jingle???
But like most of the "R" songs, they have a much deeper meaning. You have to work a little to get it, they are always like a small puzzle- which is the "fun" part of their music.

From GreenPlastic.com- The best Radiohead site on the planet:

According to Thom, the line "On lollipops and crisps" is from an article he read: "I read an article about a child who was between 5-8 yrs old who was left on his/her own for a week in a house when his parents left on hoilday and he lived on lollipops on crisps. True"

Then it hits you like a ton of bricks- He is singing from the perspective of a young child- That no matter how abandoned you feel as an adult, there is still a part of you that loves so much, the child inside of you- you will go through anything, even starvation- waiting for that love to be reciprocated.

When he sings the chorus again, you understand that feeling so much more. The wail becomes a lament. Is it for lost love, abandonment? You never really know-

You may know what true love is- After listening to this song, you know where true love comes from and how delicate it is-

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Bohemian Liberation Day

Today I am labeling Bohemian Liberation Day

I made breakfast and packed lunch for the group around 6am- Then I went back to bed.

I slept until 12pm. I NEVER do that unless I am sick-

It felt good. It felt better than good, it felt great.

I ate lunch, which was hummus, triscuts and a pear- then sent off my taxes (bastards!) and went to Best Buy and the new Guitar Center. I noodled around on a $6000 machine that made every sound known to mankind for about a half hour. I stumbled into the electric guitar room and played the opening to Airbag for another half hour with different filters on $2000 amp.

Then I went home, made popcorn for the kids and read blogs about "tagging" from Stepping over the Junk's Blog. Now I am posting-

What a great day.

Viva La Revolution-

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

The Labyrinth at Grailville

Today I took a few hours and visited Grailville in Loveland, OH. I have known about Grailville since we moved here 14 years ago, and I had finally run out of excuses. It was a Spring Day, I wasn't working so I grabbed my Nordic Walking Poles and headed northwards.

There was a lady there with a small child who gave me several notices of events and maps of the complex. There were different meeting halls, kitchens and sleeping areas on what was essentially a working organic farm.

I grabbed my poles and walked the hiking trails- The poles came in handy when crossing the stream and dodging muddy parts of the trail. I came upon a small gathering of benches on the far side of the stream.

The sun was bright and the leaves were sprouting on the trees. I walked up the hill and found the Stations of the Cross that were listed along the trail. Below each station was the biblical transcript of each of the stations of Jesus's path to the cross, then a modern interpretation of each one.

The Ninth Station, the one that detailed the Last Fall made me stop- We adore you, O Christ, and we bless you. Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

The modern interpretation was what made me stop- It said, Even though we make mistakes, over and over again- we will still try. I would have never in a million years seen that as the meaning- but it was showing that we are all human, and it's okay to make mistakes. I felt a strange sense of comfort.

Along the last part was a farm with sheep, cows and pigs. There were some new spring lambs and calves in the field-

Then onto the Labyrinth

The Labyrinth was different than I expected. I expected it to be flagstones, but it wasn't. It was just a mowed path of grass that curved in and out in a snake like moving direction towards the center of the field.

The movement of walking through the path of grass made sense after a while. The path was uncertain, not clearly defined, symbolizing the journey of life (which is uncertain and not clearly defined).

The weird thing was you didn't dare deviate from the path either. I don't know why, even though it would have been very easy to jump the small mounds of grass and cheat. I stayed on the path and walked with my poles. I found my whole body was getting into it, I lost myself in the movement-arms, legs and focused on my breath. Before I knew it, I was in the center of the Labyrinth- which consisted of a loop.

It meant that you had to walk back the exact way you came. I don't know why, but I had always thought it was like a maze, that there would be another way out.

I started to laugh- Here I was in the middle of a grass field that I had walked almost an half an hour to get to- when I could simply walk across it again (forgetting the path) in less than 30 seconds. And I was going to spend another half hour walking back the way I came.

And underneath the absurdity was a sense of accomplishment and peace.

I walked back the same way I came- Through the Labyrinth once more!

When I walked to my car, a lady who I hadn't met before said, "There is a serious walking man" noticing the walking poles.

I smiled at her and mumbled something about "Nordic Walking Poles" which sounded strange and pretty silly. I quietly got into my car-

I drove home tired, but also relaxed and rested. I will go back there again-

http://www.grailville.org/

Monday, April 2, 2007

Vacation

I am three hours into my vacation-

This is what I have done so far-

* Made breakfast and lunch for wife and children.
* Got in a fight with my wife because I didn't want to clean up the house on my vacation.
* Cleaned the garage instead of the house.
* Called my wife and said I was sorry- I need to follow my own advice, every FUCKING moment is precious (see previous blog entry). Enlightment is temporary at best.
* Fixed "E"'s kick stand on his bike.
* Hid sleds in crawlspace above garage. Next people to own house will find them.
* Fixed tomato cages- strike that, fought with tomato cages- lost battle.
* Did two loads of laundry.
* Cleaned old trashcan out- Decomposing old pumpkin from Holloween there. Smell makes me gag- the smell is still on me- yuck.
* Laid Preen all over front and back. While I was spreading it, I wondered if that crap really works or not. Just glad to get it out of the garage.
* Nailed dandilions with Roundup.
* Checked work email- made some adjustments to a spreadsheet for a customer.
* Answered work phone just once- problem I had taken care of last week.

Now out to Home "Despot" and "Staples" to pick up new garden shears and box stuff.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Duality

It means nothing and at the same time it means everything.

When you place your plate at the table, when you adjust your chair- how you hold your chopsticks. If you get that promotion, if you lose a loved one-

The moment has its own structure- it's own importance. Every moment is an opportunity.

Think about that, every moment being an opportunity.

It means nothing and at the same time it means everything.

Detatchment from the busy mind opens this kind of awareness. That was the discussion at the Dharma center today. The duality of the moment and it's importance on our lives.

Not to say that there are not important things in our lives- there are. It's just where to put them in order of priority- They are all important, yet at the same time not important at all.

Like thoughts during meditation. What box do we keep them in- why are do they take over our minds when we practice (or worse when we try to deal with the pressures of our daily life).

The idea is calming. Let each moment come- try to identify it and cherish the moment for what it is. See the opportunity- and then let it go.

On the way home, the sun was reflecting off of giant clouds in the sky that were absolutely glorious- the sun roof was open and I was listening to a song sung by the Corrs and backed by the Chieftans-

"I know my love by his way of walking
And I know my love by his way of talking
And I know my love dressed in a suit of blue
And if my love leaves me, what will I do?

chorus:

And still she cried, "I love him the best,
And a troubled mind, sure can know no rest"

It means nothing and at the same time it means everything!

The Dharma Center

Well, off to the Dharma center- First time I have been in months, but I figure with the time off, I deserve a little meditation and discussion- Sweet, gentle people there-

Their link:

http://www.cincinnatidharma.org/index.php

The topic today is "Living the Ordinary: Simple Heart, Difficult Mind.” Sounds like something right up my alley!

I am sure I will have things to post when I get back, I always do!